“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
― Leo Tolstoy Anna Karenina
Is really each unhappy family unhappy in its own way, as Tolstoy claimed, or do the disaster marriages all share something in common?
When we say «I do», we’re all thinking of life lasting relationship full of joy, love and based on friendship. But if we know the key, then why the majority of marriages fail?
Well, the answer is simple. It’s not enough to know how ideal relationship are, you need to know what it is that makes them fail.
Let’s see. How do you often make your partner happy? You buy gifts, flowers? You think this is enough?
It’s definitely something missing in our perception of what it means to be a couple.
You might say that enormous growth of divorces is happening due to radical change of moral principles or arise of feminism, but there is still something missing. Something more deep and intimate.
Something about our everyday interaction.
Throughout the day we make hundreds of requests for connection with our partner. For example, say husband is football fan and is watching a «game of the century» on tv. He might ask his wife to have a look on something on the screen. He has made so called request. The wife now has a choice. She can respond by fulfilling the request or ignoring it. Though this situation may seem minor or even silly it can reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The thing is, that if your partner thinks that something is important enough to bring it out to you, then the main question is whether you are able to recognize and respect that.
By showing interest and support even if you are not really interested, is the way to appreciate your partner.
This is the glue of relationship – appreciation. And this is what all unhappy families are missing. By giving your partner a cold shoulder you make him feel worthless, invisible and not valued.
So all unhappy marriages may be unhappy in their own way, but on one common condition.